iridescence in my eyes,
no longer so blind
iridescence in my eyes,
no longer so blind
There are times where I favor
summer over winter
and winter over summer.
July heat invites us to the beach,
but the snow allows us
to create however many
angels we need.
I wrote this poem December of last year, and I remember writing this after my girlfriend Mollie and I had a conversation late at night/early in the morning. It was that time in the morning where you can’t help but feel sorry for yourself, and I saw that Mollie wasn’t feeling all that stellar. She asked me to write something, so I did. I had been wanting to write something more lengthy and daring than the rest of my work. Something that I could set to music and ultimately perform when I got around to it.
The music is “Forbidden Friendship” by John Powell, from How To Train Your Dragon. I knew for a while that it was one song that I would write a poem to, and I used it particularly for a love poem because I found that it fit the nature of how we came to be. When I wrote this, I kept in mind the moment where we realized that we were both on the same page — that we wanted to make it work between us. As well as when I realized that it was actually happening, and I swore to myself that I would have no repeats of any past mistakes I had made. If she was giving herself to me fully, then I would do the same.
Well, this poem is indeed a love poem, but ‘Love Poem’ is not the title. Most of my poems from before this past summer are untitled, but I suppose ‘Love Poem’ could be a placeholder for this one, despite me having written countless other untitled love poems.
It has been … since I hopped off that train and we declared ourselves canon.
You were forged a rare jewel and to save you I sonic’d down from the sky, almost crash landed.
But my wings carried us through — smooth — rainbows!
And unicorns and stars are all I see
My heart clenched and badump’d non-stop
As I leaned on a sidewalk bench
Words crammed together like the PATH train during rush hour
– I’ve never touched a space bar before!
But I can make out your words
like the flock of birds
huddled upon the wire
above my head singing
their autumn love songs.
Crisp leaves falling which
I so often mistaken for butterfly’s wings.
Much too fragile to carry in my hands.
Like hearts — I would know.
I’ve been broken and I’ve broke.
But. Not. This. Time.
Because with you, I struck gold. No. Not even.
Platinum. Reaching high on my charts.
You were mine and I would hold your heart as though my life was on the line.
I wouldn’t fuck it up this time. No how. No way.
Never have words flowed out so continuously, so fluid, as though the river’s currents were carrying me along back to land. Air so fresh and so free.
I would not hesitate to fall into your arms. You can stay wrapped in mine whenever you want. Because I want to draw and trace your every outline and I want to follow your shadow everywhere you go so I can memorize how you go about your days. So I know every little nuance and quirk, and so I can tell when or not it’s a phase.
Is it even my place?
I hope so. Even if it means letting go and being exposed.
I want you to own me and all that I am.
Stripped down to my core. No one’s seen me like this before.
And I will open my hands so you can hold them. I want to see you fly again, unanchored and unphased by every word and piece of dirt this world throws. Because I let that anchor sink away and I hoisted the sails so this ship could make its way.
To new heights. It’s worth the fight. And I know it now.
I see it in every spin, turn, and leap you make.
You make it look so easy.
And I want every piece of that effortless movement and unbound presence.
To shape in my hands and make my own.
And if it means keeping you with me here and now, for all of time… Forever?
Then I’m not afraid anymore.
I want to be yours. Only yours. All of me. Entirely. For you to hold and call your own.
We can break the rules and jump from perfect fourths, fifths, and even octaves way up above the appropriate range. I don’t care what theory has to say.
Because you make my life a song.
Taking it from cadence to cadence and back around again.
I don’t want it to end.
I want to be your music guiding you through every movement and échappé
Dancing through the harmony and melody
As two combined entities
Forbidden, but unforbidden
And here we are, love
I have often prayed not to be in close proximity with others,
I find that I easily become attached. The idea of
getting closer is
not only terrifying, but beyond fantastic.
I love to learn flaws
and habits, and all of the necessary bullshit.
I see so much.
I hear too much.
I read too well for my own good.
Maybe I am a puzzle,
or maybe I am simple to other eyes.
Receptive in the way I’ll let others
piece me together
and yet they add their own pieces
to the picture.
It is fine.
It is art
to be trusting others with your heart.
Walking away from the picture,
everyone forgets to take back
and I am left wondering what
the rest of their pictures
are supposed to look like.